Sunday, July 21, 2013

Catheter Travels! Yes, I am really saying this…. I’m telling you my ugly truth - Catheters, those evil expensive things

Catheter Travels

Yes, I am really saying this…. I’m telling you my ugly truth - Catheters, those evil expensive things.  I don’t have the same problem that everyone else has (leakage only); I have to use those devil things that I now must to learn to love.  UGH. I wanted to give them another name but nothing rhymed with UGH, so they are, you know, sticks.  But now, I have both issues, I leak and cant pee.  There has to be a place in hell for this.  OK, does this mean I can’t have those trips with the girls to the little girls’ room, together like the old days? Do I now have to stand up and pee? DAM.

Anyway, my first trip to the urologist I was told that I needed to catherized myself at least 4 to 5 times a day since I was getting those wonderful UTI’s, and you all know what kind of fun that is and how it loves to give you wonderful MS symptoms.  Great.  No worries, it’s easy (right, you are really making me better now Doctor).  So they give me a picture of my privates, yes a drawing like I didn’t know what it looked like and where to put it.  It looked like I should color it and hang it on my wall.   I never in my life thought it would be so hard to find that hole lol.  I have used mirrors (I felt so stupid) but I now know where to find it and I am so sorry I didn’t listen in Health class but it is a lot easier if I was a man.
  And I am apologizing to every man who has MS and has to do this, that must really really suck. They told me to lean way back and insert the catheter.  I was so proud; I got it in 5 tries. Lol.  I wanted that diploma that said I did it, but instead I just went home, no fanfare no nothing.  But I can do this.  So when I had the urge I went into the bathroom, leaned back.  Couldn’t find where to put it so I grabbed my trusted mirror and looked.  Still couldn’t find it and by now my bladder was so full it hurt.  So I leaned way back, way way back and knocked the toilet tank off.  Yes I really really did this and my bathroom was flooding and I still had a full bladder.  OK I am crying now.  My ex-husband-roommate knocked on the door to ask me if I was ok, I mean really? Don’t you see the water coming from under the door?  He said he could help me, I said no, still crying, he said he could help me and no worries he had seen it before, still crying and really really needed to pee so I said yes. So he wadded in and helped me and my gawd nothing ever felt so good.  He still asks me now and then if he could help and I tell him to go away, sneaky thing. 

I hate MS, I really do.  It takes so much from me but its ok; I can deal with it, no matter what it is.  I try not to think about it even if it is knocking on my door.

I can’t believe I put this out for everyone to read, I mean the Internet, right?  But you have to find those funny things with MS.  It really sucks to have it but sometimes you have to laugh so you don’t cry.  Ok, I’m crying now, give me a moment.

Carry on.